One of the important differences is that women tend to articulate the process of their thinking and decision-making. Men go through the same processes, but internally rather than externally. Men usually wait until they have the answer and then announce it. Women tend to talk about their internal analysis as they go along. Within a relationship, this can cause problems because men often mistake women's deliberations as the final answer, while women think the man is not even considering the issue. That's why men often accuse women of changing their mind while women accuse men of not caring.
* Make time.
If you know you have a particular subject to discuss, put time aside to work your way through it. Give yourselves at least an hour and possibly longer so that there's time for the man to think things through and for the woman to talk about her responses.
* Spell it out.
If you need space to think, rather than talk, tell your partner. Say: "I'm just thinking about what you've said." If there are long silences your partner may think you're bored or uninterested.
* Don't make assumptions.
Check whether your partner's remarks are her final answer, or just a facet of her decision-making. Jumping to agree (or disagree) with the first thing she says can lead to great confusion because she knows it's probably not her ultimate choice.
* Allow time for a decision to settle in.
This buys you space to decide if what you've come up with really hits the spot for both of you.
* Listen to each other with respect.
If either of you jumps to conclusions or cuts across the other, they'll assume their feelings aren't being considered. This can lead to a cynicism that invades and destroys relationships.
Gendered Communication
Posted by Angelo
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5 Responses to "Gendered Communication"
thats a great set of rules.. will think about them in like two years when and if I finally get married ;p
Great rules but I doubt anyone really sticks to them espically if its a heated argument. I say resort to the plate throwing and name calling ;)
Like tinkerbell, im asking u can u be my relationship coach?? ;p
True, but its easier said then done, isnt it? u're the pschologist so u should know ;)
@Photoflo: Woah! You are getting married in two years...that's great. Don't forget to invite me LOL
@Abdulla: LOL, yeah I know what you mean, anger can play dirty trick on us and say stuff that we don't wanna say. I really hope that those tips can be helpful someday ^_^
@Tink: Glad to be your coach and Mr. Right is closer than you think ;)
@Bella: Glad to be your coach too. Of course, there is no denying that stating simple steps of rules is wayyyyy much easier than going through them in the heat of an argument, but who knows, they might be helpful.
LOL well thats the plan, all I need to do is find a good muslim boy, and a job, and a car, and a house.. and theeeen all put them all together and get married.
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